chaos

Promises Whispered

~ Extravagant Hope ~ Leave a comment

Bree’s favorite trail isn’t far from home. She can drive there in about 15 minutes, give or take, if you factor in the morning traffic. The aroma of her medium latte macchiato swirls through the truck as it warms her hands at the stoplight. She notices the way the sunbeams hitting the prism hanging from her rearview mirror shatter and regroup into lovely rainbows and shimmery light. The way the colors land on the dashboard and the sleeves of her hoodie bring a soothing feeling of hope and of promises whispered and kept.

The parking lot of the trailhead is partly full. Maybe she can get the clarity and peace she’s seeking this morning without the distraction of other trail-walkers. Freedom to clearly hear and seek the confirmation she’s looking for is uppermost in her mind. There are too many voices with strong opinions, sage advice and “words from the Lord” coming at her from all sides. Everyone has an opinion of what her next steps should be and how they should be taken. A lot of “shoulds”… The chaos is deafening.

Bree knows this trail with its curves, slight hills and beautiful trees that offer shade and bright patches of warm sunlight. It’s her go-to place when the chaos becomes suffocating, and she needs to re-center and re-focus on Jesus and what she knows in her heart He has spoken and promised. To Bree, nature is the sanctuary where she finds Him. Her church. Her sacred place where the living and breathing God of the universe speaks to her through all of her senses. She feels His breath in the breeze, His words sighing through the wind in treetops, His laughter in birdsong and critter chatter, His love in patches of sunlight that gently brush and warm her skin and his peace, that glorious peace. It enfolds her with scents of pine, warm soil, ancient things and nature. Holy.

Moving further along the trail, Bree hears that lovely silence, the gift of the forest. Her mind begins to slough off the voices and the “shoulds”.  The contrasting coolness of the woodsy air and the warmth of the sun penetrating the open spots of the canopy feels brisk and invigorating. Peeling off the hoodie, Bree picks up her pace and savors the competing chill and warmth of the trail. As she ties the hoodie around her waist, she notices the tattoos on her arms. Be Still and Faith over Fear.  In her busyness, she’s forgotten the deep meaning of these words inked onto her skin.  They are reminders of hard, life-changing circumstances, words that she clearly heard Him speak over her and to her – prophesy and promises. Promises…

As her mind wanders back over all she has weathered in her years, Bree remembers the words spoken to her soul through long walks on the beach, the hope given though the laughing song of a rushing creek, the peace from events and circumstances that at first glance appeared random but were truly divine encounters.

Quieting her mind, Bree finds a spot just off the path and sits. She needs to hear from Him. She has questions and is worried about the next steps. She knows the gift she was given and what He asked her to do with it. She did it to the best of her human ability. She did it with excitement, joy and hope but also with fear and worry that she wouldn’t get it right, that it wouldn’t be enough and that she’d ruin it with her imperfections and humanity.  She tried to be a good steward with what she was given. Was it enough? What else should she be doing?

“Please, she whispers, I need to hear from You.”

As the words leave her lips, a feeling of hope and peace settle over her like a light brush of wings and air, a gentle blanket of fragrance that permeates and soothes. The familiar goosebumps she feels when in His presence prick along the nape of her neck and arms. The supernatural is here, a divine encounter. Be still…be still…

Resting in this peace and breathing in the calm, joy, and hope of Him, Bree envisions herself lifting it up, this gift, and placing it back into strong, capable, divine hands that know exactly what needs to be done and how He will do it. She remembers the verse in Isaiah 55:11 (HCSB) that He showed her when He first gave her the gift – “so My word that comes from My mouth will not return to Me empty, but it will accomplish what I please and will prosper in what I send it to do.”

His hands receive it and the cacophony of voices clamoring for attention, giving advice and opinions are silent now. His will prevails and His voice drowns out all else. This. This is what she’s been seeking. This peace that doesn’t make sense, but still is…this knowing, this discernment that speaks to what is and is to come. She needed to remember all the times and ways He has spoken and that she is capable of hearing, discerning and resting in that knowing.

With her spirit and soul refreshed by her divine appointment in the forest, Bree sits a bit longer soaking in the healing balm of nature. Her heart feels hopeful. She is confident again that she will discern the next step when it is time to take it. She will rest in that hope. She will be still and listen to His promises whispered in the wind and dancing through the trees.  

Raw

~ Extravagant Hope ~ Leave a comment

Raw

The morning view from my kitchen window is filled with shafts of pink and pale orange that stripe the sunrise sky and mix with the slate grey of the cloud cover. It’s so quiet and still. The neighbor’s fig and plum trees have lost all their leaves. The branches look stark and raw stripped of their leaf cover. Raw…

I’m the first one up except for the dog and cats. The house is chilly as the heater begins its task of warming things up. I love the feeling of my warm coffee mug bringing warmth to my chilled hands. It’s comforting. It’s soothing. It’s routine and I look forward to it every day.

Standing at my kitchen window watching the Creator begin painting the sky with even brighter hues and bursts of brilliance that word, raw, simmers in my brain. I feel raw this morning. It can be defined as in its natural state; not yet processed or purified; not analyzed, evaluated, or processed for use.

The Christmas season is over and the new year looms ahead. I always feel off-kilter and unsettled this time of year. The build up and anticipation, the plans and decorations, the bright glitter and shine, the special food and the hope of seeing loved ones has worn off and dulled. Putting it all away for next year, the clearing up and cleaning out, the good-byes and see ya laters await and it all just feels raw and painful. So much can happen in a year, a month, a minute and I am not a fan of uncertainty. I try to live in the moment and let go of worry, fear, lack of control and lean into the new, the blessings and adventures that will come.  But it’s still hard. My emotions are raw and chaotic. They need a resting place. Help, Jesus…

As I watch the morning unfold on my patio trying to sort my thoughts, a feeling of safety and tucking-in surrounds me. It’s beautiful and startling. I know it’s You. The comforting words of Psalm 139: 1-2 open up in my mind, “O Lord, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar.” As Your words soak in, the pent-up emotions and chaos tumble forth. You understand the raw, the chaos, and the frantic unsettled feelings that don’t have a place to land. You are the landing place and the wide-open hands. You are the Alpha and Omega, the One who can sort, sift and make any sense of the jumbled thoughts and rawness. You are the One who calms and smooths out the unanalyzed, the not yet processed, natural state of the human heart and You purify it. It feels freeing, safe, and cleansing giving it to You in its raw, clouded and mixed-up state.

With You, I don’t have to tone it down, gauge the emotional capacity of the one I’m sharing with, dismiss and diminish myself and the rawness of my emotions in order to protect someone else, or use copious amounts of humor to tame it and make it palatable to another. With You, I am just me – all the raw feelings, the laughter and tears, the rumblings, the nonsense, the hope, and the fluttering anticipation that watches and waits to see what blessings You will pour out this year.

We all need a safe, protected place to just be with Someone who knows every single thought, emotion and the reasons behind each of them.  It is a beautiful, holy and sacred thing to be raw. No holding back – no lengthy explanations and justifications. The whole of our humanity in the presence of the One who created every nuance.  I never fully realized how freeing and breathtakingly intimate it is to be raw in the presence of God. It is sacred ground.

He is Near

~ Extravagant Hope ~ Leave a comment

The Lord said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by.” Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. 1 Kings 19:11-12

This scripture in 1 Kings caught my attention this morning. If you are like me, you have spent time in your quest for Jesus looking for Him in the histrionic thrill and chaos of heavy emotions and adrenaline rushes at large events that were wild and maybe kind of crazy. I’ve sought Him there. I’ve done that.

Looking back I’m not convinced I found Jesus there. I’m speaking from my own experiences here. What I found was a frantic and human collective fear of missing Jesus. A desperate need to strive, do it right, be louder and better, and work hard enough to capture the Lord’s attention, to be seen. His attention. Doesn’t He tell us over and over that we already have it? Why the exhausting striving, competing and wild, chaotic seeking?

“Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back from captivity.” Jeremiah 29:13

How often are we on that mountain top, in His presence, but completely miss Him because we are hyper- focused on the next thrill, emotional high, or event – the louder and wilder the better? We don’t recognize Him in the gentleness of a whisper, the puff of breeze that tosses flowers and musses our hair or the beauty and silence of a forested path.

Do we believe He cannot hear or notice us if we are not louder and more demonstrative than the next person? I wonder…

I’ve discovered that He absolutely can be found anywhere and everywhere and nothing limits or holds Him back. Can He be found in a raging storm? Yes, He can. Can He be found in corporate worship? Absolutely!

However, I believe that He is most often found in unobtrusive moments where the chaos of the world and humanity is quieted in our spirits. When our eyes and ears truly see and feel His presence blanketing us as gentleness, kindness, attention, and sovereignty. Where His love, healing, hope, and protection flows soothingly over, around, and about us as He listens attentively to our softest utterance, with or without words. Answering our whispered need with a deeply compassionate whisper that we recognize in the rustling of leaves, sighing of a breeze, a spectacular sunrise or perhaps in the mystery of deep calling to deep as He speaks to and cares for our souls.

Divine whispers have brought more healing to my wounded soul, body, and heart than I can count. All of the “holy chaos” I sought did nothing to mend, soothe, heal, and restore my broken places. The whispers of the One who sees me, knows me, and deeply loves me is what I seek…what is sought will be found. Peace and hope are right here waiting for you and for me.  Look for Him gently, listen for His whispers.

Come Away

~ Extravagant Hope ~ Leave a comment

I’m up early.

A restless, unsettled day, led to a similar night of sleep.

Rest is elusive, thoughts scattered.

Warm, earthy, steamy coffee warms my hands;  my eyes glaze over; mind swirling.

Through the open kitchen window, the morning air carries the faint scent of jasmine and cool earth.

The house is warm, but the fragrant air is inviting and full of promise; electric.

It beckons.

A friendly breeze, a puff of soft air, calls to me from the musical notes of the wind chimes,

“Come out.”

I go out.

My favorite bench is canopied by the looming butterfly bush; it’s purple, fragrant blooms toss and wave; encouraging me to come.

I do.

The cold marble of my bench, as I sit, is in stark contrast to the warmth of my hands around the child-painted coffee cup I carry with me. “I love Mommy” it proudly shouts, from its brightly painted surface. That brings a smile.

Also some tears.

I don’t feel so loveable of late.  Irritable. Tired. Frustrated, not loveable. Chaotic, possibly.

Looking at the flowers in the planter tubs next to my bench, I see chaos; at first.

Upon closer inspection, I notice that the random way in which I planted these lovelies, is actually quite beautiful.  Patterns emerge amidst the seemingly random design.

There is order here in the planter, despite the chaos and it is so lovely! Yes! Yes, it is.

Do goodness and beauty and happiness have to be meticulously ordered, spaced and arranged to be ok and acceptable?  Do I have to understand it?

This revelation makes me smile and breathe deeply. Inhale life.

The rising sun glitters its reflection at me on the feathery water of the stone bird bath. Winking and spunky, I want to laugh with it, at the possibilities of the new day.

I feel my back and shoulders relax; everything isn’t wiry and tense, ready for flight. Calm. Peace.  Is that joy?

Again the breeze; it caresses the back of my neck with cool, kind fingers; barely a whisper against my ear.

What was that?  I close my eyes, try to still my mind and just be.

I hear it now. You are speaking, but no words are spoken.

The peaceful scent of jasmine and butterfly bush blooms tell me all is well.

The stable, steady, ancient scent of dirt reminds me that new life is all around; rebirth is waiting daily for me to acknowledge it.

The breeze whispers that I’m never alone.  You will never leave me. I remember; I know.

I see in the riotous, chaotic colors and placement of the flowers, that You have patterned and woven my life together in a tapestry that may appear to be a random intersection of lines and curves; hills and dales; yet is actually something far more beautiful and ordered and perfected than I can imagine.

You see the entire picture of me and You call it lovely; You call me lovely. I am enough because of You.

You have dried my tears; they are captured in the bottle that holds all of them. In place of frustration, I notice acceptance has taken root. Not a resigned, sighing acceptance, but an acceptance of the unique journey I am on with all of the ups and downs that I know will come.

My place in Your arms as chosen, loved, accepted and redeemed is reconfirmed on my little marble bench. I am enough. I just needed to come away with You for a spell. You remind me I’m Yours and all will be well.