Changing Direction

Do you ever experience those days, weeks or months where specific life circumstances seem to have no solid solution? Where there seems to be no way over, around or through a particular issue?

Not long ago, I was feeling this acutely with frustration and weariness settling in for what seemed like a long and exhausting ride. I was tired of myself and my thoughts, mulling things over in exactly the same way and finding no joy, relief or solution.

There is a local park that I love to walk through, especially in the fall. There is something about the way the light slips and shines through the trees. The colors beginning to move through the leaves paints such a hopeful picture. It feels like something is just around the corner out of sight. Anticipation.

Around and around the park I went, following the same path greeting fellow walkers, joggers, and meander-ers. Seeing the joy of dogs chasing balls, sniffing after squirrels and frisking in the cooling fall air felt so calming and happy. Some of the tension in my soul softened and released. I had room to breathe. I noticed some peace and a bit of joy seeping in, crowding out the fret, worry and control that was trying so hard to establish dominance. The autumn sun on my face, the crisp air and the beauty of the park were working their magic.

I distinctly remember rounding a curve in the path. The shade of the huge, old oak tree bathed me in cool, sweet air as I stepped into its shade. As I felt the abrupt change from warmth to the cool refreshment of shade, I felt a Whisper nudge my heart saying, “change directions.” I knew Your voice. This Voice has spoken to me, prophesied and sung over me, healed and restored me so many times, in so many circumstances that to obey it is second nature.

I stopped and stood in the shade for a few minutes and then I changed direction. “What are you saying to me, God?” I whispered. “I’m watching, I’m listening.”

Walking in a different direction along this path, I noticed that things looked quite different than they did while I was going the other way. I could see the other side of the trees and the way the light looked different peeking through branches that I couldn’t see before. I saw a bird’s nest and squirrels nibbling at pinecones which had been obscured from view. There was a group of older men sitting in a circle with their tired dogs lolling and stretching out as they chatted, joked and laughed together. I couldn’t see them when I was walking the other direction because they were hidden from view by a large cluster of trees. Seeing them there enjoying their dogs and long-time friendship made me smile.

As I noticed these hidden gems I missed when walking the way I always go, it struck me that I have been stuck in the way I viewed the things going on around me. I had expectations, stubborn ideas and a one-sided view of how things should be handled. I wasn’t looking for a new way, a different way, a fresh way. I was looking at my way.

Your whispered call to change direction resonated with me. My spirit, eyes and heart needed a new perspective, Yours. In my striving, worrying and need to control the things swirling around me and those I hold dear, I completely missed Your voice.  You are asking me to let go – to remember You are the Author of my life story and the story of those I love. You see from all directions, all at once and always will. You have it all in control, well sorted, and everyone tenderly cared for as Your plans for us play out in the tapestries You never cease weaving and the prophesy You never cease speaking.

I find that now, when I’m walking a path figuratively and literally, I stop and look back, make sure to change direction and listen for Your whisper that You are near, and all is well. It is surprising what one can see from a different direction. You are as close as my next breath, in the breeze, soothing me in the shade of Your presence and restoring me with a different perspective. A change of scenery can make such a difference to a wearied and stubborn soul. I’m learning that down every path He takes us, there is always a place to stop, rest a while and change direction.

Beginnings

Happy New Year’s Eve! I wonder how you are doing in these strange, limbo, off kilter in-between days – where the festive fanfare and anticipation of Christmas is fading and a new year of the unknown looms large? Where the once joyful, nostalgia of a decorated mantle, fragrant lit-up tree and Christmas music begins to grate just a touch because it’s lost the excitement and build up of emotions that only the holidays bring us…

It’s a strange and uncomfortable feeling each year. I never quite know what to do with it or what space to give it. What does it want from us and how do we reconcile and allow the deflated feelings of loss, nostalgia, let down and possibly regret co-mingle with the wonder, anticipation, and adventure of a brand-new year?

I am not one for making new year’s resolutions. I have new things I want to explore in this new season of life as an empty nester and some habits I’d like to redirect. I have plans for a second book, setting healthy boundaries in my relationships, meeting new people and some volunteering. All good things. There are specific words that over the past few weeks consistently pop into my mind. Change. Flexible. Gentle. Trust.

I am choosing to give these words space and permission to enter into 2023 with me. It isn’t easy. I want to know all the who, what, where, when, why and how. I like to rehearse, plan, and plot it out because that is what I usually do. It’s my M.O. It gives the façade of safety, but if I’m honest, it is based in fear and worry.

These words – change, flexible, gentle, trust – are not words I associate with myself – often quite the opposite. However, this year they fill me with curiosity and a sense of adventure; a sense of awe because I know that Jesus is standing at the threshold of my 2023. His scarred hands reaching for mine asking me to let go of regret, worry, expectations (especially of myself) and control. I’m being asked to trust Him with all that I see coming, all the worst-case scenarios that my mind likes to create, all the what-ifs and futile attempts to fix, control, and protect. He’s asking me to trust Him with myself and my loved ones.

Do I truly believe He has plans to prosper and not to harm, plans for hope and a future that is good, safe, and exactly what is needed? Yes, I do believe that. I want to learn to stop trusting in my own short-sighted understanding and in all ways acknowledge that He will direct my path and my family’s path. Will this be easy and trial free? No, life is hard, and things happen. Will I never allow worry, a stray wild thought, fear, or the need to control overwhelm me and set me back a bit? No. I won’t do this perfectly, but I will try to be gentle with my soul. Will I feel all the feels that go with living in this world and bumping up against others? Yes.

My hope for this year is that when situations and feelings knock at my heart’s door, I will learn to give them space, sit with them, and see them (yell at them, if needed) allowing them to teach me and letting them go into His hands.

I will pray this scripture over myself and my family in 2023 and wait in anticipation to see prayers answered, paths straightened, fear bow at His name, joy restored and peace to have room to heal and calm my heart. And rest, blessed rest.

Isaiah 61:3 NIV

“…to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor.”

“For 2023, may God help us all fast regrets and cease dragging old, dead things with us into the new, abundant life that Jesus’ birth, death, and resurrection made possible.” Dr. Alicia Britt Chole